A New Beginning!

There has been no baby talk in the house for the last three weeks and i dont think about it that much. My husband said he didnt want to hear baby until we sat down and went over some things for when we start trying again. Then on Sunday May 15th  I had a friends baby shower. It was a little hard but I was able to make it through and keep telling myself that one day it will happen. Since my last post I have joined a gym and weight watchers and have lost 6 pounds. I have also learned in the past three weeks about who I am again and what I was missing out in on life. When I say missing out on I mean I wasnt going anywhere I was staying at home and not doing anything. I stopped living and taking care of myself. I have learned how to jungle the two, life and trying to have a baby, so when we get started again I wont stop living and turn all focus on trying to have a baby.Relax and enjoy the process.

Happy Easter!!

Well I got the surprise I was not wanting on Easter Sunday. Yes AF(aunt flow) decided to come 4 days early. I was ok with it but i think it really bothered Jon more than me. I guess i was just assuming it wasnt going to happen because I expect it not to. So we are taking a 2-3 months off summer basically to focus more on us and so I can take a little weight off the doctor says at least 5%, it might help. I am still going to take the progesterone meds so I can still have a AF so when we get back into it I wont be starting over completely and I am also going to keep up on the acupuncture. Thanks for the support but continue to check my blog because a little miracle might happen with not being so focus on it and i will as well be posting about my weight loss. This is all apart of the journey right??

10 DP IUI (10 Days Past IUI)

I am 10 days past IUI and the next week and half is going to kill me! This is one of the hardest things the wait. I just want to run out and take a test but cant due to my trigger shot which carries the HCG hormone and it stays in your system for like 10 days or more so i could get a false positive.  I started noticing the other night 8 days past IUI  and continuing , I have been feeling like I am going to get sick but its only at night time. No morning just in the evenings. Not getting my hopes up and I had a couple of hot flashes and a dizzy spell at 10 days past but again that all could be because of the trigger shot hormones. Jon told me he didnt want me to look at the calendar everyday but i am not going to lie IT IS HARD!!! I will keep everyone posted. **BABY DUST**

Making A Hard Decision!!

THE SUN WAS SHINING AND THE SKY WAS BLUE this has to be a GREAT sign considering it was not raining. Jon arrived two hrs before me and made his deposit and then I went and picked up my mother in law to take her with us. Weird I am sure some of you might think but she really was curious about everything and was quite unsure about how everything is with fertility  and how it works,  so we decided to invite her along. Faye and I met Jon at Bob Evans to enjoy a breakfast before my 9:30 app. We then proceeded to the office to pick up the deposit at the "BANK" love it. The process was funny with everything and how many times they check to make sure that it is YOUR sample. The excitement I had in me walking just four offices down in the hallway. I was thinking this really could work and I was smiling ear to ear as my mother in law grabbed the thermal and hugged it and blessed it. (it was funny she couldn't see what was in it but knew.) I signed in and made sure that every person that grabbed that thermal before it reached our room to please bless it. LOL this is why I love this place the people are AMAZING!  The whole process did not take long at all very quick and not painful but laying there afterwords I had everything you could possibly think of running through my mind. I pray everything works because Jon and I made the decision yesterday morning that if this don't we will be stopping treatments for a couple of months giving us time to focus on us and not so much the whole baby thing. I cried wondering if this is the right decision to make because I am 5 months into this but my body needs a break from all the hormones and I think Jon and I do as well and come summer we will get back at it. I am just ready for it to happen and we can begin our journey as a family. Much love for all the prayers!

Think Thick and Needle Sticks!

April 11-2011, As always it was raining and on the way up to the doctors visit my husband says "Did you noticed that EVERY TIME we have an appointment it always rains?" "I wonder if thats a sign?"...So we get there and I have the joys of filling out some of the sign your life away paper again due to my insurance FINALLY changing my last name to Tucker. Thanks to Humana. They call us back and guess what. The socks on the stirrups have changed, they are now Easter and spring socks. We have gone through thanksgiving all they way to Easter. Thats alot of socks. As I am lying there and my friend and I meet again the doctor says "WOW, thats really nice!" My endometrium lining was THICK measuring at a little over a 7 so anything above a 6 is great. I ended up only producing one mature egg measuring 21mm on the new medicine. Shot Monday night Everything looks great and we begin our IUI on wednesday morning! CROSS EVERYTHING!........

                

 So I also did acupuncture later that evening that was recommended by a friend. I was so nervous. After i got through the hour of talking about myself the lady that was doing my acupuncture stated that she was going to throw in the needles for anxiety cause she could feel alot of that going on. The first needles she places were in my ears. I didnt feel them at all. Then the next ones she placed in my hands on my legs and all in my feet. After she was finished she turned off all the lights  and I just relaxed and feel asleep. After wards I felt so AMAZING like a huge amount of stress was lifted and nothing could make me worry. I have heard through many people that acupuncture works for infertility and it helps. Even if for some reason it doesnt work i feel alot better and not as stressed about anything.

(Here is a picture from my husbands cell phone you can see a needle or two)

I Wear Teal For Me!!

♥Infertility is a heart-wrenching, faith-questioning, relationship-testing, life-altering experience. April is Infertility Awareness Month. Whether a friend, a family member, a colleague or yourself has fought through this difficult fate that MILLIONS of women are fighting day in and day out.

Apointments Apointments!!

Monday April 11, 2011 is the day we find out if this new medicine they put me on has worked or not. I for some reason had a really hard time adjusting to this medicine. Side effects were HORRIBLE! (headaches, and it causes joint and bone pain) Really THANKS Doc. I mean on the bright side of that my mood swings were not that bad so maybe it has its perks! Cross EVERYTHING on Monday that we have 3 mature eggs and can continue onto Wednesday or Thursday for our first round of IUI!! Also i made a appointment monday night for Acupuncture, I am trying everything I have heard that helps with Infertility. Make it a great day and I will keep everyone posted about Monday!

THE WAIT!!!!!!!!

So I just finished my 10 day medicine that will make mother nature grace me with her presence, But they are saying it can take 10 days after I finish my last pill. REALLY!!! So I am waiting and waiting because as soon as she gets here I can start my new medicine, and begin IUI..THE WAIT!!! I do HOPE that IUI works on its first try. On another note my sister in law had my nephew and he is absolutely BEAUTIFUL!! I can look at him all day!!! I will keep all posted!!!

Starting Back At 1!!!

So its been 5 days since I missed my cycle and I went to the doctors on Wednesday 3-16-11. I got the phone call later that night that my blood work came back fine I was not pregnant and that they are not sure why I have not had a cycle yet this month, So i start back at one with taking the medicine to make me have a cycle. Really can all of a sudden after three months of everything being fine your body stops and you go back to square one. I am just so upset with everything right now. So today 3-17-11 I will begin my next rounds of medicines then in two weeks I am going for acupuncture then IUI. I hope everything works out this month Please say a little prayer that things will work out because only being 4 months into it I am ready to give up:(

GAGA!!!

This past weekend I went and seen  LADY GAGA!! AMAZING i might say the concert was just FABULOUS!  On another note, This whole fertility process I have been like clock work on starting..RIGHT ON TIME! Well i was supposed to be greeted by mother nature and have not. I took a test and a NOT PREGNANT came up????? So i am not sure what really is going on? I guess i will wait till day 34 and call the doctor and will keep everyone posted!!!

NO MEAT AND TTC!!!

Being a Vegetarian and TTC is that possible? Well after doing some research i found yes you can do it but you should stay away from SOY products. Well 50% of my vegetarian diet is SOY.... So now what? Because I am consuming SOY could that be a reason why I am not getting pregnant?  Being on a low carb diet and not being able to eat soy products what does that leave me to eat?

Things Not To Say To Someone Experiencing Infertility

Yesterday I hit what I would call my breaking point, maybe rock bottom of this whole infertility..I think my problem is the things people say when we tell them were going through fertility treatments and about us wanting a baby.  I find myself trying to get out of things when it has anything to do with babies...I had my cousins baby shower on the 26th of February and I was sick I did not want to go because I dont understand this whole why do I have to go through this. I broke down to my husband and just told him I am done even though its been three months but thats three months of going to the doctors 3 times a month and getting pricked and poked. I just feel like giving up.....I thought I would be emotionally prepared for this but everyone did keep telling me about after 3 months it starts to get harder and harder. So here is my top things not to say to ME or anyone else going through INFERTILITY:

1. You need to relax, when you stop thinking and worrying about it, it will happen........

 ~Really how can you stop thinking about something when your going through TREATMENTS your in the doctors office 3 times a month. Your reminded everyday when you have to take the MEDICINE, and YOU KEEP BRINGING THE WHOLE BABY THING UP you cant forget about it! But telling me that I need to relax sounds like you're blaming me.  Infertility is a kind of illness, a malfunction of one of the body's systems, so please treat it that way.  You wouldn't tell a cancer patient that she'll get well if she will "relax", would you?

2. Oh, you're still young. It will happen......

~ Really again i'm not that young and how do you know it will happen. Don't give me false hope based on nothing more than your need to be "supportive". 

3. If it is meant to be God will bless you with children....

~Ok this i think is my favorite. Please someone explain the backwardness of why some women and men can have children when someone else takes care of them, They get them taken away due to abuse or being neglected. Or in the worse case people killing there children..Why is it they can have children but with me and some others out there going through this problem the GREAT people cant have kids and thats because if it was meant to be God will bless you with children.....REALLY

 I know that people want to help, they want to be encouraging, and they want to say something.  I truly appreciate all of the people who listened, who cared, who prayed, and who felt some empathy with us.  I don't believe that any of the inappropriate things people may have said were said out of spite.  And believe me, I'm not perfect either, so I learned from my own "foot-in-mouth" experiences what not to say to other people going through this.  The same principles can be applied to any other situation where someone is suffering and you want to say something.  Acknowledge the pain, offer your support, and express your hope that things will get better. If someone shares their infertility issues with you, I think the best thing to say is something like this, "I'm sorry you're going through this.  I know it's difficult, and I hope things work out for you.  Let me know if there's anything I can do." And if any of you now reading this are going through it, that is what I want to say to you.

 

Day 13 Husband Gives Me First Shot!

So it is day 13 and I have to take my shot before I go to work. I wake my husband up to give it to me. As he crawls out of bed and comes into the kitchen, he begins to wash his hands and states " I am not very comfortable with giving you this shot in your stomach. Why do I have to do it?" Ok let me remind you and him One I have to take the shot today and usually his sister gives it to me but it is 7 am in the morning and who is going to come and give it to me this early. and two Just put your big girl panties on and deal with it. I am beginning to think that the hormones are going to burst with a little bit of anger right about now. I would give it to myself but I am to nervous and shake, it is just easier for someone else to do it.  So as we get everything set up for the shot like we are supposed to I lift my shirt up and pinch a little bit of skin and he STABS thats right STABS me with it...Well it didnt hurt going in but it was the way he was holding the shot which made it look like he was stabbing me. As he pulls it out it began to bleed a little, (note it has not done that before) and also later on that night i get home and I have a bruise on my stomach, ( note I have not done that before either).  All in all besides the stabbing, bleeding and bruising he did a good job for his first time!

February 24th Day 12!

Another trip back to the doctor...As much as i have been there in the past three months i feel like i should ask if i can rent a room out at the hospital attached to my doctors building. Same routine nothing really different. My right ovary no eggs when i heard that i began to sweat i started thinking here we go the medicine is going to stop working. Then when he checked my left ovary he said "wow your left ovary has been really busy this month 3 egg follicles."  At the end of this appointment it was a little different than before. They pulled Jon and I into a room afterwords and told me that I am responding very well to the Clomid but my  endometrium lining was thinner than they want it to be. So If i don't get pregnant this month I have to start a new fertility medicine next month to help with that and we start IUI in march and try it for the next three months and hope that at some point it will work. They also told me that I am producing the max number of eggs on 50mg of clomid and if i produce any more than that on the new medicine they will have to cancel my sessions due to a high risk of multiples!

Lets just say I was a little bit disappointed:(

Back to the doctors!!!

To my SURPRISE i started the day after my 29th birthday. February 13th (Whats with the Sundays)??? I am a week early. Day one called the doctors this time they said they didn't want to see me day 3 but to come in on day 12 instead of 14 because day 14 i was further along in my egg maturity..So we have a doctors app tomorrow (Thursday the 24th.) and we will see where it goes from there! How many eggs could we have this time? Lets all hope for us to get pregnant by the end of march so we can have a baby this year!

What am I Feeling????

  I am 8 DPO(Day Past Ovulation) and i am having some cramping. I started with some slight cramping yesterday and continued into today with a little more sharp pains that catch me off guard also my temperature is up a little..   I have done the research on it and A LOT of the information i have contained is that it could possibly be egg implantation and early signs of pregnancy. I am not getting my hopes up but i am having different signs this month after the clomid and the shot than i did last month???? WHAT COULD IT BE!!! I have 20 more days to wait to find out if i am pregnant!! AHHH THE WAIT!!!!!!!!!

More Than Two Egg Follicles!

Well I had another doctors appointment this morning, and today was the first time since our very first appointment that it has not rain. The sun was out bright blue sky so maybe that is a sign. I told the doctor that i was having some pressure/ bloating feeling in my right side and he said that could because i was ovulating on my right side this month. As my friend and I meet again he shows Jon and I that I have two egg follicles on my right side one at 30mm and the other was 28mm...Then he checked my left ovary and there was one egg follicle there at 20mm.....Thats right 3 eggs this month. Sister in law is on her way out to give me the Ovidrel shot and lets all cross all fingers and toes and whatever else we need to do because if we get pregnant this month we will have a HALLOWEEN baby and we all know that would be AMAZING since we love Halloween so much. I will keep everyone posted!!!

Day 34 ends up being day 3...12 & 9 to many numbers!

What was supposed to be day 34 ended up being day number 3 of my menstrual.  I had a doctors appointment this morning, same routine go in draw blood and then the exam with my new Best friend.   Everything looks great the doctor said. " Lets count the follicles in your ovaries. 1.2.3.4.5.6.7.8.9.10.11.12." " im sorry did you just say 12 yes on my right side and 1.2.3.4.5.6.7.8.9 on my left. I am sorry again but a total of 21 follicles." Can that be good?  So I go back back in 11 days for more blood work and another ultrasound and shot. After my appointment i call my husband to tell him the news and got "THATS WAY TO MANY!" LOL i think he thinks i am going to get pregnant with 21 kids. Love it!

Sunday Morning SURPRISE!!! 1-16-11

As I was getting ready for church this morning I noticed I was feeling a little weird not myself. Well I know why? No I am not pregnant I took a test it came back negative and I started. As I thought I would be sad and upset, I have a positive outlook maybe next time. I now know that the medicine is working it is doing its job I forgot what it was like having a monthly cycle because I haven't had one in 9 months. Run to the store....I have to call the doctors office tomorrow and go for more blood work this week and start the clomid again on days 5-9  I will keep everyone posted.

Waiting for day 34!!!

I am not going to lie..This is the hard part waiting to pee on a stick and hopefully see that your pregnant.. Why wait till day 34? I am not going to get my hopes up though...The doctor did say it usually takes woman around their 2nd and 4th month of being on clomid. So my next question to myself is, do I do IUI next month to greater our chance of conceiving???

Trying On Our Own The First Three Months!

The doctor told us at our first appointment that if we tried on our own with the help of clomid making me ovulate we have a 30%-40% chance of conceiving on our own. Those are the same percentages as a normal couple. If we choose to do the IUI we have a 50% chance. As that chance looks better it also cost $350 and is not a guaranteed it would work. So we choose to try on our own for the first three months and if that doesnt work our next step is IUI.  Lets cross all fingers and toes and hope that all works out well.

It Has It's Own Language!

The time in between doctors visits i find myself busy looking things up all the time on the internet. I dont have anyone else to ask questions to.  As i continue to search information about infertility i started to notice crazy letters like IUI, TTC, US, and many more. I found myself trying to decode everything.  So through out this process  i am sure i will start speaking the language of infertility codes so i am providing you a guide.

Learning the Lingo:
2WW = 2 Week Wait (the two weeks after ovulation and before AF arrives)
AF = Aunt Flo (menstruation/period)
B/W = Bloodwork
BCP = Birth Control PillsBeta = Blood pregnancy test
BFN = Big Fat Negative (negative pg test)
BFP = Big Fat Positive (positive pg test)
CD = Cycle Day
DH = Dear/Darling Husband
DPO = Days Past Ovulation
E2 = Estradiol (Estrogen)
ER = Egg Retrieval
ET = Embryo Transfer
FET = Frozen Embryo Transfer
FMU = First Morning Urine
FSH = Follicle Stimulating Hormone
H&H = Happy and Healthy
HCG = Human Chorionic Gonadotropin
HOM = High Order Multiples
HPT = Home Pregnancy Test
HSC = Hysteroscopy
HSG = Hysterosalpingogram
IB = Implantation Bleeding
ICSI = Intracytoplasmic Sperm Injection
IF = Infertility
IM = Intramuscular
IR = Insulin Resistant
IUI = Intra-uterine Insemination
IVF = In Vitro Fertilization
LH = Luteinizing hormone
LMP = Last Menstrual Period
LOL = Laugh Out Loud
LPD = Luteal Phase Defect
M/C = Miscarriage
MFI = Male Factor Infertility (ex, low sperm count)
OHSS = Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome
OPK = Ovulation Predictor KitOV = Ovulation
P4 = ProgesteronePCOS = Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome
PG = Pregnant
PNV = Pre-natal vitamin
POAS = Pee on a Stick (ex, take a pregnancy test)
RE = Reproductive Endocrinologist (Infertility Specialist)
S/A = Sperm/Semen Analysis
TMI = Too Much Information
TSH = Thyroid Stimulating Hormone
TTC = Trying to Conceive
U/S = Ultrasound

It's Shot Time.... I Have To Put That Where????

January 1st 2011...It was time i had to give myself a shot to release the eggs. I couldn't do it so my husband said he would. My husband has given shots before, he gives my neighbor her allergy shot sometimes so i knew he could do it. As we are reading up on this shot the paper said to give the shot in the stomach. Well my husband then started second guessing himself, he has never given a shot in the stomach. I cleaned an area of my stomach off with an alcohol wipe and he pops the cap off the needle he put the needle to my skin and i freaked out no i cant no this. Needless to say we called his sister (who gives shots all the time) and she came right on out and before i could say i was ready she already had the shot in my stomach and pulled out. I didn't even feel anything it really wasn't all that bad.

DAY 14...Did The Clomid Work????

Making the long haul up 71 to Bethesda North hospital i was really nervous about this appointment. We get there they call us back and my husband is still laughing because they changed the socks on the stirrups! I get myself ready for this US (ultra sound)  and away he begins with the magical Harry Potter wand (Dildo Cam). This was a different doctor than i had seen before. He asked me in the middle of my US how old i was. 28 i replied. He then proceeds to tell me the EXCITING NEWS!!!! The clomid worked my ovaries had produced two eggs and what looked like a third one. The doctor told me to go home and on Saturday January 1st take the shot to release the eggs and on Saturday night into Sunday , he looked at Jon and said "Happy Humpings".  Lets cross our fingers...........

Beginning The Medicines!

I started the prenatal vitamins right away, I thought they would make me sick but they didnt. I then began the provera and started 10 days after i began. i called the doctor and  went in for blood work on day three and they called me with the results that night EVERYTHING LOOKS GOOD and i started the clomid. They warned me about this drug. They said i would be very moody and over whelmed with hormones and many things could happen with my body. I snapped at my husband a couple of times but not as bad as i thought i would and i cried ALOT! Round One COMPLETE!!!!!

Medicines..How much is that????

As for someone who never takes medicine i am beginning to think i have a pharmacy at my house.

~Prenatal vitamins 1x a day =$30.00 for a month supply

~Vitamin D pill once a week for 6 wks=$20.00

~Provera 10 days=$10.00

~Clomid 5 days = $20.00

~Ovidrel Shot= $100.00

Grand total= $180.00 for one month supply of Fertility medicine.........

November 30th...First Fertility Doctor App. A long Blog

Hello November 30th, This was a very important day to us. This was the beginning of that next chapter of our lives. Our appointment was at 8:30 am and they told us to arrive 15 minutes early due to the over amount of signing your life away paper work, and also that our appointment would last about two hours. Really what could they possibly talk to us about for two hours. They called us back into a conference room and sat us down at the table. The doctor came in with a large stack of papers and a folder and talked to us about EVERYTHING that had to do with the reproductive system all the way down to having sex and what the percentages would be of us trying to conceive as a normal couple (ones without fertility problems) or us non normal (the ones with infertility.) Time 1 hr into appointment. After our little meeting he wanted to do an ultrasound(US). So we went into the cute little home style room and instantly my husband was laughing because they had Christmas socks on the stirrups (really this is what he has gotten from the appointment so far).  I changed into a gown and up on the bed i went. The doctor game back into the room and  said OK Mrs. Tucker i am going to preform and US(ultra sound). All of a sudden he pulled out this wand looking thing with a condom on it. Dildo cam ( a view from inside) as i call and away he began with the testing. While he is moving this uncomfortable Harry Potter wand around inside me he (the doctor) begins to say huh, really, your ovaries they are not what i expected. I instantly began to sweat and i got really nervous. When the US(ultrasound) was over with i changed my clothes and i had to walk across the hall into another room to have 4 tubes of blood taken from me because they wanted to check some things. I was so nervous and upset from the doctor saying my ovaries wasn't what he expected that when they were drawing blood from me i got really hot and almost passed out. (i never do that).Time 2 hrs into our appointment. When all said and done we went into another room with a table and they came in  and explained to me that my ovaries were not PCOS ovaries which meant the reason why i was not ovulating or having a period is due to my hormones being crazy and still diagnosed me with PCOS because i have everything else that comes with PCOS,. GOOD NEWS!! They handed us 3 prescription papers and then began to explain our process that we needed to follow.
The steps as following:
1. Begin to start taking prenatal vitamins
2.Begin to take the provera (medicine to make me start my period)
3.Call the doctors office day 1 of period
4. Day 3 of period go in to the doctors office for blood work
5.Days 5-9 begin taking 50mg of Clomid(fertility medicine)
6.Day 14 come into the office for an US(ultra sound)
7.Day14 GIVE SELF SHOT (Ovidrel, shot to release the egg)
8. Call doctors on day 34 if you started your period or even if you haven't.

Time 3 hrs into appointment.  Really 3 hrs i just spent in a doctors off. I cant explain the joy and excitement i was feeling that day knowing that everything could be ok and that these people were going to do everything it takes for us to try and have a baby. I am so thankful of the staff at Bethesda North for Reproductive Health and Fertility.

Wanting a baby......Making that first step....

After my husband and I got married we decided that we wanted to start a family right away. I really never understood the whole your biological clock is ticking but now i understand it. I AM IN BABY MODE!! After many late nights up talking about finances, and EVERYTHING else, we made the go and i called Bethesda Center for Reproductive Health and Fertility two weeks after our wedding and our appointment was set up for November 30th.

PCOS!

As I was laying there, I instantly felt my heart drop into my stomach. 'You have Polycysticovarian diease!" That was the first time i had heard anything about PCOS. "Am i going to die?" was my question to the doctor. I freaked out, what is a person to do when they hear the word DISEASE!!  I found out I had PCOS in 2002, I immediately started doing some research to find out that they call it  (PolyCysticOvarian Syndrome). After doing some heavy research and learning everything there is to know about PCOS I hit the next phase of the worrying, "Am I going to be able to have kids?" From 2002 till 2006 I put the whole PCOS on the back burner. In October of 2006 I started dating my husband. As the months, into years went by the talk of marriage and children came up. I started to feel that empty sick feeling i felt that day at the doctors office, how am I going to be able to tell someone that I love dearly and want to spend the rest of my life with, that there is a chance that I may not be able to have children, or the road to having children could be a long struggle. I then broke the news to him and his words were, "I am with you because I love you, If we are not able to go through that journey in our lives of having children, then we will adopt Teena!" As the tears ran down my face I knew then that when we decided to start that journey in our lives at some point there will be a light at the end of the tunnel by having children of our own, or giving a child life through adoption.