Yesterday I hit what I would call my breaking point, maybe rock bottom of this whole infertility..I think my problem is the things people say when we tell them were going through fertility treatments and about us wanting a baby. I find myself trying to get out of things when it has anything to do with babies...I had my cousins baby shower on the 26th of February and I was sick I did not want to go because I dont understand this whole why do I have to go through this. I broke down to my husband and just told him I am done even though its been three months but thats three months of going to the doctors 3 times a month and getting pricked and poked. I just feel like giving up.....I thought I would be emotionally prepared for this but everyone did keep telling me about after 3 months it starts to get harder and harder. So here is my top things not to say to ME or anyone else going through INFERTILITY:
1. You need to relax, when you stop thinking and worrying about it, it will happen........
~Really how can you stop thinking about something when your going through TREATMENTS your in the doctors office 3 times a month. Your reminded everyday when you have to take the MEDICINE, and YOU KEEP BRINGING THE WHOLE BABY THING UP you cant forget about it! But telling me that I need to relax sounds like you're blaming me. Infertility is a kind of illness, a malfunction of one of the body's systems, so please treat it that way. You wouldn't tell a cancer patient that she'll get well if she will "relax", would you?
2. Oh, you're still young. It will happen......
~ Really again i'm not that young and how do you know it will happen. Don't give me false hope based on nothing more than your need to be "supportive".
3. If it is meant to be God will bless you with children....
~Ok this i think is my favorite. Please someone explain the backwardness of why some women and men can have children when someone else takes care of them, They get them taken away due to abuse or being neglected. Or in the worse case people killing there children..Why is it they can have children but with me and some others out there going through this problem the GREAT people cant have kids and thats because if it was meant to be God will bless you with children.....REALLY
I know that people want to help, they want to be encouraging, and they want to say something. I truly appreciate all of the people who listened, who cared, who prayed, and who felt some empathy with us. I don't believe that any of the inappropriate things people may have said were said out of spite. And believe me, I'm not perfect either, so I learned from my own "foot-in-mouth" experiences what not to say to other people going through this. The same principles can be applied to any other situation where someone is suffering and you want to say something. Acknowledge the pain, offer your support, and express your hope that things will get better. If someone shares their infertility issues with you, I think the best thing to say is something like this, "I'm sorry you're going through this. I know it's difficult, and I hope things work out for you. Let me know if there's anything I can do." And if any of you now reading this are going through it, that is what I want to say to you.
Hang in there, Teena! I am praying for you. I have been in your shoes, and it sucks! There is no other way to say it. I got tired of the poking and proding too not to mention the constant doctor's visits and all the pills. I was on a low carb diet too and had to limit my alcohol intake, so all my vices were out the window! And...I am the biggest needle-a-phobic you will ever meet. Just ask Jon, he may have heard some stories.
ReplyDeleteIt took us a year to the day to conceive. For the first couple months we tried to figure it out on our own. But then I went to the doctor for 8-9 months and it finally worked! It just took one try with IUI. Of course, we had several attempts with the natural way too.
I got REALLY REALLY bitter and angry. I was not easy to get along with. One day I went to a PCOS support group. There was a girl there that didn't have PCOS but she had been trying for 18 months already, and she was the happiest person I have seen! It sort of made me really mad. I asked her how she could be so happy. She said--acupunture.
So, the next week, I signed up for my first appointment. And it works. It is freakin amazing. I continue to go back even now that I am pregnant. As whacked out as it sounds, I feel that helped me get pregnant. I had my first acupunture appointment the same week I got pregnant.
But, I understand...it sounds something that crazy people would do. :) So, I also found comfort in reading columns about how bad infertility sucks stuff. They have shirts and quotes and all sorts of funny stuff.
I will keep praying for you! Though I am now pregnant, and probably the last person that you want to see, if you ever want to yell and scream...I can listen and sympathize with you from one PCOS girl to another. I can come up with more colorful words to describe how crappy it all is, but I don't think they would be appropriate for your blog. :)
Thanks Sarah..I know I have only been at this for three months and if I am this frustrated now, what will I be like in 8 months or a year... I am only allowed to be on the clomid for 6 months and then I go on to the fertility shots monthly and I am not wanting to have to get that far! I will look into that acupuncture, I am already past my ovulation period but I will look into it for this month.Maybe I will go a couple of times before my IUI this month. I am also a little frustrated with not being able to get pregnant naturally and having to rely on IUI or possibly IVF. Congrats on the baby, my sister in law is due any day now with the first GRAND BOY and we are all so excited. Thanks for listening and I am sure either Jon or myself will be coming to you more and more during this process!! THANKS A BUNCH!!!!
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